When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
