I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
