she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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