we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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