i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
