exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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