the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
