as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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