I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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