I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
