So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
