If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
