I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
