It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
