Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
