dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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