Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
