Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
