i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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