oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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