do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
