I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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