I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
