Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
