I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
