It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
