We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can you bring me the toilet please
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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