Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
