tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize