So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
