You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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