So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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