We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
