Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
