Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
