somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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