So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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