Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
