you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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