Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
