$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
