If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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