I cockslap morals
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
