Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
