i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
