I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
