im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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