i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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