Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
