it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
