Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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