WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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