Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
