It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
