Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
