mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
