You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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