I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
