I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
