Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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