Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
