if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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