I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
