Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
