there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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