we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
