you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i believe in u and ur pee
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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