If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
