There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
