I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
