god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
