I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
