if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
