Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
