the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
