Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found puke in my bra..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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