i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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