i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
