when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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