I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize